Monday, January 19, 2009

Omen - No, not the Damien kind!


I almost believe in omens today.

I've been failing at nearly all my resolutions, plodding along half heartedly. I've been trying.. but not as hard as I could be. Unfortunately doing everything at a 30% rate does not make for success in even one area!

I came home today from taking my daughter to the park, feeling rather unmotivated about life in general and there in my mailbox the most fabulous thing! An offer at my local Gym for full membership for only $9.95 a week! Praise Jeebus! Now all my detrimental thoughts about wanting to put myself first this year and be willing to do so but unable to afford it have been washed away. 

I'm off for a meeting with the owner of the gym tonight and I am so excited, I finally feel as though I might actually get out of the house for a few hours a week child and husband free, albeit to pay someone else to torture me with physical tests. Bring it on I say! Has to beat scrubbing vegemite off a 2.5 year old after finding her in the entire jar when I turn my back for a minute.

Gym membership is coming at a welcome time. My appointment with the fertility specialist is tomorrow and I am so nervous and depressed. But also kinda hopeful. I don't want to get my hopes up that these guys will be able to find the reason for the disgraceful amount of miscarriages I've had, but I have to believe in something.

I don't know where to begin with mine and C's relationship - he is really trying but I think I'm just so stressed and resentful that I am really throwing spanners if not the whole tool kit in the works. I'm not sure what I can do about that at the moment other than hope that we are doing the right thing trying to bring another child in to this marriage, even though some of the wheels often feel like the ones on those damn shopping trolleys I always seem to get. 

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