I'm A Junkie.

A Gym Junkie that is!

I finally joined and got my ass down there yesterday for a Pump class and was shocked and amazed with how much I enjoyed it. Why was I so scared to go for a week after I joined! Did I fear I would run in to WorkOut Barbie down there in her Nike co-ordinates and full face of makeup busting her size 8 butt on the X-Trainer without breaking a sweat?

Probably.

Instead I was greeted by a class of only 4 ladies, 2 of whom were over 50. The other was a very chatty young girl who offered to be my partner in todays Boxercise class! No snobbery to be seen! The instructor was a 39 year old lady who'd had 2 kids - fantastic - my kind of place. :P

So after attending Pump last night I decided (although hardly able to walk!) that I would attend Boxercise at 9am this morning. I gritted my teeth, put C in the creche and got busy. Well kind of. I was late it seemed so I had no partner and had to workout with the instructor's helper, which suited me just fine. Who would have thought it'd be so much fun pretending to utterly maim and destroy someone with flykicks and uppercuts - not I!

On the 'not as enjoyable' side C (C and C are my husband and daughter's first initial - I know which one I'm talking about and when damnit! Figure it out people!!) decided to join on the cheap deal as well. And this is when I've realised that our relationship has definitely changed since *said incident*. Whereas in the past I'd have been overjoyed that we'd be doing this together, now I feel suffocated and resentful. I wanted the gym to be my time away, I didn't want to go there knowing he would also be going there. What's mine is now ours it seems! Why do I feel like all these changed feelings are the prelude to something? Why can't I just get over it, even when I want to?

Ahh well, such is life. (In the words of my favourite football players stomach tattoo.)

Just to cheer myself up I think I'll post a pic of my daughter in this post - she's so happy all the time.

Omen - No, not the Damien kind!

I almost believe in omens today.

I've been failing at nearly all my resolutions, plodding along half heartedly. I've been trying.. but not as hard as I could be. Unfortunately doing everything at a 30% rate does not make for success in even one area!

I came home today from taking my daughter to the park, feeling rather unmotivated about life in general and there in my mailbox the most fabulous thing! An offer at my local Gym for full membership for only $9.95 a week! Praise Jeebus! Now all my detrimental thoughts about wanting to put myself first this year and be willing to do so but unable to afford it have been washed away. 

I'm off for a meeting with the owner of the gym tonight and I am so excited, I finally feel as though I might actually get out of the house for a few hours a week child and husband free, albeit to pay someone else to torture me with physical tests. Bring it on I say! Has to beat scrubbing vegemite off a 2.5 year old after finding her in the entire jar when I turn my back for a minute.

Gym membership is coming at a welcome time. My appointment with the fertility specialist is tomorrow and I am so nervous and depressed. But also kinda hopeful. I don't want to get my hopes up that these guys will be able to find the reason for the disgraceful amount of miscarriages I've had, but I have to believe in something.

I don't know where to begin with mine and C's relationship - he is really trying but I think I'm just so stressed and resentful that I am really throwing spanners if not the whole tool kit in the works. I'm not sure what I can do about that at the moment other than hope that we are doing the right thing trying to bring another child in to this marriage, even though some of the wheels often feel like the ones on those damn shopping trolleys I always seem to get.